Using my Submission to Gain Health

This is probably one of the best choices I ever made, and one of the first big steps I made in giving myself into submission.

It was originally my idea, and I came to Master asking him to take control. Although now, I think he likes it. He sees my vulnerability, and likes supporting me. He likes bringing me success, and he’s good at it.

I’ve wanted to lose weight for quite some time, but stepping on the scale, looking at the numbers has always freaked me out. I can’t deal with it. If I gained even a tenth of a pound I feel like a failure. As a woman, my weight fluctuates over the month, maybe even the week, which I know -logically- is normal, but still equalled failure to me. With that mindset – getting stressed over normal fluctuations – success was not possible. The stress alone would sabotage me.

How it works:
We do weekly weigh-ins every Sunday morning. It is always preceded by my nervous hands twisting in circles, and followed by generous rewards and compliments from Master. We also set goals together through discussion in the beginning, and have revisited them a couple times. I picked the final date, he picked the final weight. His standards for me aren’t nearly as high as mine. During weigh in, I wear a blindfold. That way, I don’t see the numbers. He guides me onto the scale, and through the process. He keeps track of the results in a graph I made for him on his phone, so I never see them. I also communicate with him about when I am cutting calories. I am using the 5\2 diet, which works well for me. So I tell him when it’s a fast day. He makes sure our daily plans don’t put me in an impossible situation, like going out to dinner that night. He also made a treadmill rule for me. It is good encouragement. He reminds me frequently that it is about my overall health, not the numbers, which is reflected in our rules. I also have a huge reward waiting for me at the end, which I picked and he agreed to. It’s a tiny bit lavish, but something I’ve been wanting to do for years.

It has been immensely freeing to let go of that control. Master is much more lenient on me than I am. I can get really defeatist if I don’t make my goals – any goals – which, I admit, are sometimes unrealistic. However, he sees my effort first. He also sees my success long before I do, and reminds me of them frequently. He gives me rewards. I only ever tracked my failures.

With his measure of success, I can keep on track. I can focus on my daily choices. With this mindset, where I am focused on my effort and feeling the rewards, I am meeting both of our goals. 🙂

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