This is the second prompt in the 30 Days of D/s series. Submissy recent writing prompt, Tell me About it…, was also about submission. I responded to it only a few days ago in this post. I spoke deeply and personally about my experience as a sub, focusing on the transition I went through in becoming my Master’s submissive. Here, I am focusing on the behaviors and tasks involved in being a sub, the technicality of my role, as shown through my rules and choices.
To understand my role, you must understand the context of my role, including the beginning. Prior to becoming a submissive, Mr.R and I had 4 kids, a mortgage, 20+ years together, and a happy, healthy marriage with nothing but bliss on the horizon. It was me who brought the D/s dynamic to the table. I had done very little research, and knew even less about the community, online or otherwise. I only knew what I felt and what I wanted, and later found that my desires were reflected here. I asked Mr.R to be my Dom, reaccepting his commitment to this life in 3 progressively deeper stages as he understood his role and position more and more. Now, he is my Dom, my Master, and my Top. Always. He brings out the best in me. Serving him and submitting to him fully brings me great joy and satisfaction. Our marriage has always come first. It is, and always will be, eternal. Now, part of the definition of our marriage is D/s. It is the foundation of our relationship, and pushes us both.
My Labels. My Role.
My role as a submissive is 24/7. It extends into and from the bedroom, but knows no bounds. I identify as a female and a woman. I prefer the pronouns she and her. I consider myself submissive, but not a slave, a pet, or a little. This does not include scene play, where I feel more submissive, and push towards slave play. I do, at times, feel little in my day-to-day. Especially if I’m sick, or feeling particularly vulnerable and safe. I can’t say it won’t come out in me more as time passes. I am aware of the way my role continues to change and develop as I grow into it, and know I am still developing, still growing under my Master’s power, which I aliken to the power of the sun – my source and a necessity for growth. (There are a lot of great resources out there on the different types of sub roles. A simple google search will most likely turn up more results than your afternoon could handle, both positive and destructive, so be careful what you believe. There’s a good article on Kinkly. There’s also this one on LovingBDSM.)
My Rules. My Expectations.
My original list had 10 or 11 rules that dictated specific tasks or behaviors I would take on. Currently, I have 14 rules. One of them is a list of 5 chores, which were consolidated for ease. Several of Mr.R’s rules also apply to me, and are fewer in number. Several of his rules have also become habit, and if we condensed them, there would be only 3 to remain conscious of. The same could not be said about mine. My rules include how to communicate with my Master, how to prepare his day, to learn humility, and to accept his command. There are rules concerning my clothes and appearance, my health and orgasms (which belong to Mr.R), plus ways to serve and honor him. I consistently follow the rules, and would never consider myself a brat, or intentionally break a rule. If I disagree with something, we have a procedure and rule for that also. I kneel at my Master’s feet daily, both as part of our morning ritual, and to greet him (but only when others aren’t present – like our kids). I find it greatly satisfying, and will commonly request rug or worship time. When kneeling I will sit on my knees, sometimes laying my head on his lap. In worship, also called ‘humble’, he may be sitting or standing. (There is an informative graphic of submissive or slave positions we started from here, but we have also developed our own style and names to several of them.) The word cloud below is the entirety of my rules. You can easily see my focus is on meeting my Master’s needs.
Rituals and Habits
We have several rituals that we perform. The most important and formal of which is our morning ritual. This is a place for communication, and establishes our day. I enjoy daily maintenance spankings as part of that ritual, but it is Master’s choice to administer them, including the number, the strength, and the tool used. It always includes a bit of kink, inspection, and kneeling at his feet during rug time. Our communication is open and fluid, and built off these rituals and routines. In habit, I seek to kneel at his feet for comfort and affection. I serve him first, and seek to predict his needs through the day. I go out of my way to ensure he is comfortable, and getting his needs met. I am available for him in any capacity he wants; sexually, mentally, emotionally.
I have grown into the way I submit, and it came with mistakes. I had to learn to balance my personality with my submissiveness. I learned to be His submissive, not a submissive – this was a very specific rule created by Mr.R, and exists still. I had to learn to step back, and let his dominance control the situation and the day. I appreciate it when my Master tells me no, even if I am initially disappointed. I crave jumping at his call.
Being submissive has become part of who I am. It reduces my stress, fills my heart, and guides me. It completes me, it is part of me. It is me. I am His submissive.