I equate vulnerability to insecurity. It is more than that, of course. Much, much more. It is a state of being open, emotionally available, and free. Without vulnerability, you have no communication, no connection, no bonding. It is at the soul, the very nucleus, of love. It is a necessity for life and happiness. It is also one of the most terrifying things you can embark upon.
I think the main reason being vulnerable is so scary, and probably why my first thought of it goes to insecurity, is because of the media. The state of vulnerability it a pretty common troupe, especially that of a vulnerable woman. Movies, stories, and yes, even in the real-life news, women are frequently portrayed as being extremely vulnerable, which then pushes them into getting taken advantage of by some asshole of a man. He doesn’t have to be a total scumbag, but it is the most common dynamic to the troupe. Usually, she is already hurt, already broken in some way – which is what makes her vulnerable in the first place, and then in walks the douchebag. He, being his douchebag self, makes it worse, leaves her crying and broken, and sometimes takes wads of her cash with him. She is now in a worse place then when she started. There’s always some life lesson to be gleaned from these stories, telling you not to open yourself up, not to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, that is the wall us submissives are up against, and absolutely must overcome.
As a submissive, I am ever aware of a strong state of vulnerability in me; in my actions, my choices, the basics of my daily life. It is a state I must juggle and maintain, always pushing myself a little bit further. However, this is not something I fear. It is part of the deal I have struck with my Dom. I have to remain vulnerable in order to be his submissive, to let go of control and place my full trust in him.
As we move forward, deeper and deeper into our D/s, I am continually finding new levels of vulnerability. Often times they surprise me. I am, at first, always insecure, regardless of what new aspect or desire of myself I have discovered. A new kink I want to try. A new type of confidence I want to achieve. A new experience, a new feeling, a new skill. But, always, my Master pulls me past that feeling of insecurity. His acceptance and faith in me pushes us both deeper into each other.
This is the real state of being vulnerable. The goal. The necessity of it. Without vulnerability, I would not feel this free, this full of life. Can you be hurt while in a state of vulnerability? Of course. But to remain outside of it, to let your fear limit yourself, is to let yourself give up on life. To be vulnerable you must open yourself; your heart, mind, body and soul. You cannot hold back. You must expose your underside, your tender belly. This is so much more true as a submissive. However, in the hands of a good Dom, that soft belly is appreciated, loved, petted and caressed.