You can overcome negative emotions with communication

30 Days of D/s by Loving BDSM and Kayla Lords

This prompt in 30 Days is on negative emotions; jealousy, anger, and fear. For me and my Dom, few negative emotions exist outside of conflict.

Jealousy between us isn’t more than a fleeting moment, if at all. Honestly, if someone flirted with Mr.R it might turn me on, though it would probably make him pretty uncomfortable. We have invited others into our play before, but it’s not something we are doing now. When we did, there wasn’t jealousy. We are obsessed with each other, and that’s enough. I think 20+ years of undying devotion together brings that kind of security.

Anger is different. Of course we experience anger, but again it’s really part of conflict. Fear, as we experience it, is actually an insecurity, or more accurately, a vulnerability. When I think about fear in this capacity, I don’t know if it will ever go away completely.

As we push boundaries, our own or each other’s, we enter a state of vulnerability. However, it is done by choice, and with great amounts of communication and trust between us. We have daily space to bring up concerns, and I am always free to ask for additional negotiation time, if I need it. If something isn’t said between us, it is probably on me for not bringing it up. As a sub, I am not free of responsibility. That is, in fact, a huge part of my role; to be open and honest, to discuss all issues that I may have, and to not keep emotional secrets. We even wrote a rule about it.

I think that is the real crux of negative emotions. If you have the communication, those emotions shouldn’t be a problem. Early in our D/s I had a great deal of fear. I was giving up so much control, so quickly that I could easily become gripped with what I might lose, or not be able to do. My way through that was plain and simple communication. Mr.R and I talked for hours. Hours and hours and hours. I brought everything to him. Through that, we were both able to find total and complete resolve.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

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