The Waxing and Waning of D/s

30 Days of D/s by Loving BDSM and Kayla Lords

This 30 Days topic is about the ups and downs of life, the things that bring stress into a relationship, the things that pull you out of your D/s dynamic.

I heard once that money, parenting, and the in-laws are the three biggest causes of divorce in a marriage. I would wager that was also true for stress. Maybe it’s still true, or maybe it was true for the 90’s. For me and Mr.R only the in-laws (of those 3) have become serious stress. However, none of those would ever bring us to divorce.

When it comes to money, we have either had it or not. Over the course of our marriage, we have probably spent more time without it, then with it. Though, I am happy to say we have now. Whatever the case, we always saw it as our mission together, us against the world. Not a stresser.

Our parenting has changed with D/s. It was once a stressful thing for me, mostly because I was dealing with the load of the decisions, the consequences, the falling grades. I felt like I was spinning my wheels without progress. Since we started D/s that load has shifted. There’s a lot of stuff I differ to Mr.R, and no longer have to deal with. And there’s tread gripping in, no spinning wheels.

As we get further into our D/s roles, we have certainly felt the wax and wane of the power of those roles. However, outside stressors, loss, illness don’t pull us out of D/s. These are the times we push into D/s, leaning into our roles. What does cause a wane in our D/s is more then normal work, being busy in the evening, extra tasks and chores that take up our time.

For us, we ride the wane. We know it is a simple phase. It passes. The D/s will flex back into a strong phase again. Much like the moon, it is a cycle. However, during phases of waning, we never slip on our routines, our rules, our basic expectations of each other as a submissive and dominate. These things remain constant. Our morning routine stays. Our evening routine stays. Our rules stay.

We are actually passing through one of these waning phases right now.

This wane is caused by two factors, both relating to extra work. Currently, Master is coaching. It keeps him late, and wears him out. On top of that we are considering making a significant move, one that would take us out of the state (I really want to live in the desert!), and requires tons of career research. We are in the early phases of this move, but there are so many extra tasks to do! Between Mr.R’s coaching and researching new jobs & places to live, we barely have time for much else. Things wane. Kink gets put to the side, as does rest and relaxation. In times like these we rely on short times of high protocol, like we have coming up this weekend.

This weekend will be the first weekend in almost two months where we will be able to sleep in. The last several weekends we have spent traveling (sometimes flying) to other areas, checking out a new city where we may or may not want to live in. I am ready for this weekend. I need the sleep. I also need the kink.

In a free weekend, such as this one, Master and I will be able to deepen our roles, maintain connections, push our power dynamic, increase the protocol for a short period of time. It might be temporary, but it is powerful. Monday we will go back to work, back to coaching, back to working on our move. It will all start again, and we will likely wane again. That is okay! This weekend will carry us through, so the wane feels shallow, not deep. And soon, we will have another break, push ourselves again.

Tis just the natural flow of D/s. Of life.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

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