D/s doesn’t require sex.
“Wait. What? What did that say? Did that say, D/s DOESN’T require sex?”
No, D/s doesn’t require sex. D/s is a power exchange. It is one person giving up power while another takes the responsibility of that power in a relationship. This 30-days topic is about that power exchange and the lack of the requirement of sex to have that exchange. The prompt is presented from a point of surprise, like readers will expect D/s to always have and be based off of sex. And if you look at what’s most prominent on the web, I imagine that is exactly what most people expect and desire going into D/s. They are feeding a need to get closer to their BDSM kink.
Sex, believe it or not, has nothing to do with why I wanted D/s on a 24/7 basis. For me entering the power exchange made me into a different, better person. It made me love and appreciate my husband in new ways. It reduced my stress. Though, I can say Mr.R didn’t get to that understanding until the third time he agreed to be my Dom.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t point out that our power dynamic absolutely has sex, and plenty of it. We have more sex now then we have had in years. Not only that, but the beginning of our D/s started from a kinky place, a fantasy, just like so many other people.
However, carrying through in your actions to keep and sustain the power dynamic of a Dominant and submissive relationship on a daily basis, especially when you don’t really feel like it, is not kinky in the slightest, but it is the essence of the power exchange. I truly believe you cannot successfully maintain a full-time D/s relationship if you base it off of purely kink.
There is a huge crux to it all, a giant catch 22, a conundrum that undercuts everything I say on each side of this discussion. No, our power dynamic doesn’t require sex. I could imagine continuing the power dynamic without kink or sex at all. I would still need power-asserting touch from my Dom; spanking, hair grabbing or pulling. I would need to kneel, to be told to assume positions, even if that position was just to stand at attention. I would need the physical aspects of a power exchange in order to truly feel under my Dom’s control, but it would not need to be sexual. However, our marriage DOES NEED SEX. I cannot imagine our relationship as a whole without sex. We had sex long before we were D/s, and I can easily relate low times in our marriage to times of low sex. Sex heals us, emotionally, mentally, sometimes even physically.
So, no our D/s doesn’t need sex. But our marriage does. And our D/s and our marriage have become indistinguishable.