Mr.R and I have been full-time D/s for an entire year now. Officially. YAY!!!! Applause accepted gracefully. Thank you, and curtsy. 🙂
I have to say I’m quite proud of us.
When we started a year ago I had no idea what I was getting into. Which is weird, I admit, because I was the one who asked for it. I even watched my Master go through three levels of acceptance, waiting patiently for him to understand the full idea of it. But, nonetheless, I had no idea of what I was asking for. My recollection of what I wanted exactly… is foggy now. I’ll admit, I wanted more sex, more kink in our life, but who doesn’t? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean, come on. But that wasn’t my goal, not even a sliver of a fraction of why I asked.
When I asked – literally getting down on my hands and knees, shamelessly pleading my case – I am pretty sure it was entirely selfish. There was only one thing I wanted: my submission. I wanted to submit. I wanted to be that person, I wanted to feel that way, ALL. OF. THE. TIME. It was freeing in a way I didn’t know existed. Once I found it, even a sliver of it, I didn’t want to let go.
Luckily, Mr.R understood, and was willing to go on this ride with me. Though I had no idea how hard it would be. I had no idea what I was asking him to do, to be, the ways in which he would have to change. I had no idea how exhausting the conversations would be be, the depths our emotions would go, the rollercoaster of a ride we were on. I had no idea I was also pushing myself harder then I had ever pushed myself before, or asking myself to get rid of fears and walls I had carefully maintained for decades without faltering.
I had no idea.
All I was really sure of was how I felt. I knew I felt better submitting to him. What I actually got is well… obviously SOOOOOO much better.
We are closer. We are so much more intimate with each other. I can talk to him about things I never would have even dreamed of saying before. Things I didn’t even admit to myself. Believe it or not, I know myself better than I did before. And I know he would say all the same things, about how we’ve grown as individuals, as a couple. About how we’re whole new people in every way. And the sex is….
Before we started D/s we had a pretty great relationship. Nothing was lacking. We actually prided ourselves on how great we were together. Other people did too. We commonly got compliments about how great of a marriage we had, how good we were together, how much we complimented each other. – All of that pales in comparison to who we are now.
I wish I had some grand thing to say about it. Something I could share with all of you, but I’m not sure what. What do you want to know? If there is something, drop me a line. Maybe in a comment below, maybe in my contact page, maybe on fetlife. Whatever your pleasure, I am here, now or in the future.