This is a real question I have.
No, I’m not talking about topping from the bottom. Nor am I talking about my dynamic specifically.
It might be more accurate phrased differently. Especially since I can hear your knee-jerk reaction. I heard mine. Hit the table, knee still hurts… But seriously, if you know anything about a power-exchange relationship at all, then the question screams hypocrisy in your face. The Masters train the submissives. Period.
But hear me out before you spout.
It is extremely common for those longing to be submissive, or to live on the right side of the slash in a power-exchange relationship, to invite their spouse to be their Dom or Master. Sometimes, that spouse or partner is vanilla. I am one of those people. A little over a year ago I asked my (vanilla-ish) husband to be my Dom. He didn’t have any idea what I was talking about. Finding resources was a breeze. There are TONS of very similar couples living the lifestyle and advising others on how to do it. And almost always it is the submissive one doing the inviting. Google a simple question – any simple question – about getting into the lifestyle, and you will find a wide selection of ideas and opinions with everything from 13-step-youtube-videos to articles found in common grocery store magazines.
Many of the resources have a slightly different spin, some are more focused on training, some on the power-exchange, some on specific kinks, or just sex. My question is more specific, referring to a full-time power-exchange relationship.
But, you’re right, the phrasing is wrong. Let me try again.
Can the right side of the slash make the left side into a better left side?
Can the submissive teach the Master? Can they guide the Master?
Can a submissive effectively lead a relationship into a power-exchange?
These aren’t right either, because I am not talking about the supportive implication. I know as a wife I can teach my husband to be better at his role, just like a person can learn to be a better parent from their child while parenting. It happens by just being in the relationship. But…
Can a submissive teach a Dom how to Dominate?
Can a Dom learn their role from a submissive?
Or does a Dom need to learn from another Dom? Or just somewhere else in general? If a submissive tries to fulfill that role, is that akin to being the problem and the solution – an oxymoron?
When you look through the information out there, it seems like people are doing it… maybe. But is it real? Doesn’t it ultimately fall on the Dom to figure it out on their own? Don’t they have to pick it up? Is it not – in fact – breaking the power exchange if they don’t? … *whispers* Is it actually topping from the bottom?
This is something I’m wondering.
And I wish there was no pandemic, so we wouldn’t have to do social distancing, and I could go to a munch, and talk to real people, and have a real conversation about this real question I have, and the many nuances that exist around it.
xoxo ~ minnie