Last night I asked one too many questions about exactly what would happen if I did fuck myself in the middle of the night. “If you made yourself cum, you’d be punished,” Master went on, but I already knew the answer. I suppose I wanted to hear him say it, describe it just to prove it was still possible. I don’t often get punished, but I like knowing it is a possibility, that there are consequences to my actions. In this case, forced orgasms was the answer.
He went on. I’d be tied to the bed, legs held wide open with the spreader bar, a dual-stimulating vibrator forced deep inside my cunt and against my clit. I don’t care for vibrators, or the sensation. He’d do whatever it took to keep it there; ties, saran wrap, duct tape if need be. Then he’d it turn on. First, the undulating wave of the dildo pressing against my g-spot. Then the tingling buzz clicking against my clit and the bar running vertically through my hood, adding stimulation and pressure to my clit. He’d make me cum. I wouldn’t have a choice. It wouldn’t take long for me to be squealing and squirming. He’d watch me, making a humiliating spectacle out of my orgasm. I’d flush with embarrassment under his gaze. But that first orgasm wouldn’t be enough to teach me a lesson. He’d turn the toy up, and force me to cum. Repeatedly. And – as a super orgasmer – there’d be no end. He’d set me there, leave the dual stimulator turned on uncomfortably high, and go about his day. He’d return to check on me when he had time, an hour later, maybe three if he had an online meeting. When he did finally release me, my pussy would be sore and tired, my clitoral hood slightly bruised from the toy’s pressure against my vch. Knowing him, I’d probably have to beg and apologize first. There would probably also be an embarrassing inspection of my exhausted, worn out pussy. After all that, Master told me, I would have to kneel at his feet and repeatedly recite that he owns my orgasms.
Ultimately, my questions just got me tied to the bed instead. Which is fine with me. It calms me, settles me under his control and power, and I sleep well. Being wrapped in his dominance couldn’t feel better.
SubmissiveLove wrote about a very similar feeling.
I have a love hate relationship with pain. I both want and need it but don’t like it, very complicated. I want it because it brings pleasure to Daddy Joe and I need it to help me keep my balance in life. When I don’t get it my brain takes over, anxiety ensues and my world is turned upside down and it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Before I met Daddy Joe my anxiety came on a regular basis but since his arrival things have been great. Especially with whats going on in the world, in our state and town, he has created this bubble around me where I feel happy and positive.
So, it is the same with me. Without his dominance, I don’t feel like myself. I think of the feeling that comes over me as anger. Perhaps it is a cover-up emotion. Perhaps it is mislabeled anxiety and stress. I’m not sure, but it is who I was before we started this journey, and who I revert back to when we drift from our D/s.
Recently, I was reminded of this feeling when my Master got sick. I get sick frequently – a couple times a year. He RARELY gets sick, maybe once every few years, if that. I am jealous. However, he got the covid-19. Since we share everything, I eventually did too – mildly. For us, it was just a slight fever and cough for a few weeks. But it did interrupt our D/s, setting him in a place where he needed the care, and didn’t have the energy for dominance. This kind of reversal can teeter a power-exchange dynamic, which is normal. It can be hard to find your way back, which is also normal. It is easy to judge yourself, and feel like you are failing; failing yourself, failing your role, failing your power-exchange. However, that never helps.
Focusing on what is missing tends to just push you further away. It is best to let it go, remind yourself that an ebb and flow is a normal part of life, and lean into your role. This will get you back to it. Sometimes, you have to go through the motions begrudgingly, knowing it is the right path, to click your head and heart back to where you want to be.
XOXO ~ minnie