We entered into our full-time power exchange over a year ago. When we did, daily maintenance spankings instantly became part of our morning ritual, which in turn evolved into my daily collaring. Our ritual consisted of three parts; inspection, impact\spanking, and mantras. Each step was designed with intentional thought, driven from some need one of us had. Of the three, only daily spankings has risen eyebrows.
I have gotten many questions over the year about getting spanked every day. There’s a lot of natural questions that pop up. Practical questions. Envious questions. Curious questions. – All of which I totally understand. We are taking something generally reserved for kink or maybe special occasions, and using it daily like drinking coffee or getting dressed.
The most common practical question we get is concern about the kids hearing us. We don’t have any babies or small children left at home anymore. (Yay for starting early!) Our teenage to adult children sleep in, or cave-it in their room all day. We feel alone at home most of the day because they have their own lives. We also get up hours before any of them, so they never hear anything …that I know of. We are careful, however, trying to keep the sound down. But I also know if they did notice, they would also notice how happy we are together day to day, and not think anything of it.
When we started, I asked for this vital step to be part of our morning ritual, and I asked that it be sandwiched after inspection and before our mantras. It felt logical, with the mantras as a mini aftercare, and the inspection having an emotional vulnerability to it. However, even with all my intentionality, what I have learned from this process was never in my mind. Nor were any of the practical things other people wonder.
When I think over the history of our daily spankings there have definitely been some distinct phases. Early on Master got very creative. I never knew what was coming. I’d stand at inspection, waiting and wondering what was going to happen. Sometimes he’d bend me over the bed, sometimes over the dresser. He might stand me against the wall, or place my hands on the 6′ tall bed post. He also had a handful of toys he might pick from, paddles or floggers. It certainly kept things interesting.
But this is not a play session, and (when not in a pandemic) we have to go to work. So that creates natural limitations, keeping it fast and focused around making coffee and getting dressed. That’s not to say sometimes things don’t get a tiny bit frisky. 😉
Over the course of the year our dynamic has naturally gone through some ebbing and flowing as life always demands. Our morning ritual has always been the consistent rock we have held onto when the rest of life pulled us away. Hence, the reason for having a ritual – it should never be compromisable.
With that ebb and flow, there have also been some natural slumps in our ritual where things became mundane and fixed. There have been times where we had to push ourselves through the steps, regardless of mood or desire. And times of illness where we physically couldn’t do it for a few days. There was a long phase where Master always made the same choice in paddle and position, void of emotion or sentiment. It was a time where it was as movable as drinking coffee. But it didn’t matter, so long as we were doing it.
More recently, Master had begun spelling lessons during our ritual. He hasn’t brought back as much variety in toys or positions as before, but the interest and effort is there. The dedication to the time and space is what matters.
It grounds us in who we are to each other, and what our service is to the other. I have learned that I need the physical impact or control during our ritual. It changes who I am. It puts me in a submissive head space. If something happens, (illness, staying at a family’s house) where we can’t do this part of our ritual I notice a significant difference within a couple days. By day 3, I’m no longer submissive. I have to fight with myself to be who I want to be. I get cranky. I’m not sure if there is some hormone or chemical connection, but I can feel the difference.
It is also a daily act of faith. Engaging in any impact play, kinky or not, is engaging in a trust exercise. By folding that into our morning routine, we are starting each day with trust. We push ourselves to rely on each other, and to reaffirm that trust every morning.