This post is all about sexual vocabulary, so grab your notepads and get ready to expand your brains.
*Disclaimer: There’s no great big book of the proper sex vocabulary and their definitions, (OMG, I should totally write that.) so this is of course, all based off my interpretation and experience from life, the kink community, and diligent scholarly research.
*Disclaimer #2: Edging should be separated from edge play where limits of what is safe and sane are pushed. Knowing what we’re not talking about helps know what we are talking about.
Orgasm control is a very broad category. It can include all sorts of aspects from the frequency of ograsms, the way a bottom would orgasm, and anything else that is negotiated. For me, that is everything, every aspect. Edging and denial are closely related, and are at one end of the spectrum of control.
Orgasm Edging Defined: Edging happens whenever you put off an orgasm. It is a really useful tool, which should be kept in everyone’s handbag of tools for creating desire and great orgasms. Kinky or not, BDSM or not, Power-exchange or not, edging will undoubtedly give you a better orgasm. It is something that is even recommended in the health community, by sex educators, and a myriad of people who want you to have great sex and more intense orgasms. By delaying the orgasm you let your desire build, and then when you do release, the encompassing explosion is that much bigger.
Edging 101: The simplest way to edge is to stop and start stimulation, either by yourself, or with your partner. Simply put, when you feel like you are going to orgasm, don’t give in, stop stimulation and do something else. You simply delay the orgasm when you first feel it rising, and then ride it out the second time around. At least as you start thats enough. As you get better at it, however, you may want to push it much more.
Advanced Edging: Advanced edging includes pushing the orgasm out for longer and longer periods of time. There’s three ways you can do this. You can push the session out for hours without ever fully stopping the stimulation, instead of minutes as you ride from one wave to the next. You can stay closer to the peak, bouncing around right under the edge of an orgasm without being allowed to come down or relax in between. Finally, you can push it out over several days sessions stop and start again, never receiving the release of an orgasm, but instead always pushing right up to it. In all cases, desire continues to build even if there isn’t physical stimulation.
The Effect: Edging is indescribably delicious. As you approach the edge, and then push it away, you want back at it with increasing levels of desire and need. In turn, this leaves you more willing to do more to get there. You may find levels of desire in yourself you didn’t know you had. New fantasies may arise, or you may be willing to share or indulge in secret ones. You may jump at the chance to do things you didn’t know you could – or would – do. You may hit subspace. If it extends to days, you will begin to dream about sex. Your days will leave you thinking about sex constantly. You may become so consumed with sex that there is nothing left for you to do, but grovel at your Master’s feet until he rocks your body with uncontrollable quivers that shake the very Earth. Oh. Uh, wait, did I get sidetracked there? The longer it goes on, the more tension you maintain in your body and mind. You will eventually stop sleeping, for thinking about sex. Focusing on intense work becomes difficult because you can’t think about anything else but the next time your Master’s cock slips into … dammit sorry, pulling it back together again.
Ahem. *straightens shirt and sits up*
Orgasm Denial Defined: Denial happens when edging is extended past a day, or a session of sex. If you take that third method of edging, stopping and starting sessions of sex where each sessions includes edging without orgasm, you are crossing into denial territory. The exact length of time it takes to shift from one to the next is full of variables, and I would say there is a grey zone where you could use both words and be correct. This is also where my personal opinion and experiences come in more heavily, along with blurry lines in definition and use. As edging lengthens, it takes on a thing of its own. It eventually owns you, defines you, becomes the thing you do or are doing. This is when you have hit denial. With experience, it is the bottom who would say when they’ve crossed over out of edging and into only denial, at least when we’re talking about days here. It is a unique thing, that is mentally and emotionally defined.
Wait. What about chastity?
Chastity: Chastity, with or without a wearable device, falls on the long side of denial. It is the practice and habit of denial. It could be the denial of orgasms specifically, or it could be the denial of sex all together, or of certain aspects of sex, like penetration. I don’t count myself in this category, or have experience with it, so you should look elsewhere for resources. (At least not right now. My Master would have to make that decision, which he hasn’t. At least, not that he’s told me.)