This next post from the 30 days of D/s is about Tasks and rituals. We have a few daily routines that keep our D/s strong and in place every day. If you are looking to start a power-exchange, this is the place to start, by building routines and rituals. They can be a place to turn to when things are hard, a place to draw comfort, and a place to find yourself in your new role, to build strength.
Each persons and each couples routines are very personal and unique. They can range across any aspect of your relationship. They may be service oriented, expressive, sexual, or none of those. The only important thing is that they are consistent and uncompromisable. That is, you can’t let emotions get in the way, or the vanilla world stop you. If you do, then you are letting those things compromise your dynamic.
We have 3 that are constant and never change. We have others that ebb and flow, or morph to our need, but these three stay the same.
Morning collaring and rug time: Every morning, directly after taking a shower, we engage in our morning collaring ritual. I’ve written about it a couple times in the past; My morning ritual, and more recently, Morning Maintenance Spankings: A Year Long Reflection. I’ve thought about updating our ritual with a new post, but it really hasn’t changed much. We have changed, personally, so it feels different emotionally. Like visiting a place from your childhood, and remembering it through those eyes. But the steps, the routine, the basics are all the same. The details, and other small nuances may be different, but the ritual is the same. It is also the most important thing we do. It grounds our dynamic and our roles every day. It has held us onto the ship when everything else was pulling us away. It reminds us of who we are, what we mean to each other, and what we owe to each other. It focuses us in the moment, on the day, and on our roles.
My Acts of Service: I complete two acts of service every day. I pick these two specifically because they were part of our original rules, and because of the meaning they hold, not because it is all I do. The first is making the bed every morning. I do it somewhere around our morning ritual, usually before because I like the bed being nice when I lean over it for spankings. This is an important act because the bed represents our marriage and unity. In some D/s relationships the sub has to ask permission to get in the bed, I have to ask permission to get out of it in the morning. It is not only his domain, but it represents our marriage, our intimacy, our sex life. The bed being made makes a difference in the appearance and feeling of the whole room, giving it either a comfortable feel, or messy feel if not made. The room is our private space, and for me to keep it nice I am committing an act of service for us in a significant way that trickles into our daily activities and overall peaceful feeling. My second act of service is making Master’s coffee. I usually make it right after ritual, but if we are going to work and on a tight morning schedule, I do it around ritual. This is a significant act of service for him because of our history and habit with coffee. Prior to D/s, I stopped drinking daily coffee, and instead perfect a slow, delicious, and special pour-over method with high quality beans. I didn’t want to waste my coffee drink for the day on cheap or fast coffee. I wanted to really enjoy it, and sit down to taste it. Master drinks coffee daily, and has never wavered from that. So upon beginning D/s I gave my skill and dedication to quality coffee to him daily as an act of love and service.
Master’s Acts of service: Master completes many acts of service and leadership over me that make me feel well cared for and important. The biggest one of them is feeding me. While I definitely cross this language over into blow-jobs and kink, that’s not what I am talking about here. He actually feeds me everyday. He makes nearly all the meals; breakfast, lunch and dinner. He does the grocery shopping, the cooking, all of it. (We have teenagers for the dishes.) Thankfully, he enjoys cooking, but on a D/s level it feeds me emotionally as well as physically. I am reminded multiple times daily how important my health and welfare are to him. I watch as he puts great effort into getting my favorite foods, trying out new recipes I’d like, and planning elaborate meals I love. He makes my favorites over and over, even making extras, so I can have left overs. It is a huge act of love and service, done multiple times a day.
These are not the kinkiest tasks and rituals we engage in, but they are what hold us together. It is these routines that ground our dynamic into concrete life.