There are many sides to who I can become in my role as his submissive. I can be his little girl, his good girl, his whore, or his fuck toy. Each of these is unique and different, a distinct feeling and place in my brain. My personality is slightly to dramatically different in each. I behave different, have different preferences and tastes, different emotional reactions, and interact with the world in unique ways in each role.
Some of them cross over, while others strictly do not. For example, I can be his good girl and his whore at the same time. I can also be his good girl and his little girl, but I can never be his good girl and his fuck toy at the same time. Nor, can I be his fuck toy while being his little girl. I can, however, be his whore and fuck toy, or his whore and his good girl.
My mood may lean itself toward one or another as I seek out balance, but I don’t have a natural preference or desire to be one over another. I need them all to create the frame of me, and to feel wholly balanced. I do, however, have a foundation. That is, I can’t access them all at any time freely. They are each dependant upon having a foundational feeling of submissiveness and being owned by him.
Fuck toy – Being his fuck toy is a primal, sexual place. It is objectifying and delicious. It builds and establishes my foundation of submissiveness and being his property. Here, I am mostly void of thought or opinion. I follow his orders without questions, and seek to serve. My primary desire and role in this place is to be his very literal fuck toy and follow all commands in full sexual submissiveness.
Whore – Being his whore is the most complex to describe because it is the most varied. The closest term I can align with it is ‘wife,’ simply because of the wide variety of roles. It is a submissive place, where I still follow rules, but it is also a term of endearment and love. It can be used to maintain ownership and dominance over me, or to build sexual tension. It may also be a relaxed place where I can simply serve him, or wait to be called upon while I complete my own tasks.
Good girl – Being his good girl does not stand alone. It is the farthest out of this group of roles, because it only works in conjunction with being either his little or his whore. It is simply that I am serving him well, either in my acts of service or following rules as his submissive. It can be a place I slide to after being his fuck toy, or curling up at his feet.
Little girl – Being little is a child-like space I can roll into and out of for weeks, or I can pop into it for mere minutes. It is both the most intricate and fragile space I live in, yet still the easiest to define and describe. It is asexual for me, and if I am called upon to be used in this space I slip into being either his whore or his fuck toy. Being little is established by strict rules, punishment or funishment (either is fine with me), and his general dominance. It is the only space that is not foundational one a tiny bit, but rather it is the result of a strong foundation. It is a direct reflection and result of my feeling of combined vulnerability and safely at being owned by him. Occasionally, Master may do something that triggers my little side and pops me right in there. However, if I don’t have an existing and ongoing foundation of deep submissiveness and ownership it will be short lived. When a deep foundation is in place and ongoing, I will float in and out of being little as much as I want or need, including soloing. When the foundation needs building, I find it hard to access, or even understand. In those times little minnie can feel foreign to me.