This last year has been an eye-opener opener for me in so many ways. I’m not speaking to politics, or the pandemic, or the ongoing social crises we have been in. Though, all of those things are part of my life, as they are everyone else’s too, and have influenced me. My current reflection and learning began before the pandemic and the fright of 2020.
I’ve gotten to know myself in a new, specific way. It’s not just myself though, in this role. It’s also who I am as a submissive, a wife, a whole person. They all change. It’s the way I relate with the world, myself, and the people around me. I think I would honestly draw a whole different picture of who I am today, then what I would have drawn before.
It’s weird to think about it, to trace through the twisting course of events over the last two years that have led me to this place. To be able see this other side of me, the person I become when I don’t live in or with stress. That is the other side I am now are of – me without stress.
I didn’t know I was doing before, accepting stress into my life as a forgone bedmate, consoled and fed to be kept alive and strong. A comfy place kept for it at the dinner table. Now I see it. Over this past year I lived, for a time, without it. I remember that time with great fondness. I am now back in it, back in the stress, and I see it. I also see how the stress plays out on me physically, the great toll on my health.
So, under the guidance of my Master, life changes are on my horizon.
We haven’t figured out our new path, but have already begun to walk. I know my Master will take me to a place where I can be my happy self, and the only bedmate I have is him.