We’re coming up on our two year D/s-iversery. Um, yes, that’s a thing. In honor of our two years in a full time, 24/7, power exchange relationship – we threw it out. Ha ha ha! Gotcha! I’m exaggerating, of course, but it’s true. What we are literally doing is starting from scratch. Or, at least, we are in the process of starting from scratch.
That might sound overly dramatic, but let me explain.
Two years ago, when I invited my husband to become my Master we pieced together what we knew. It wasn’t much. There was a spattering of fantasy, some things I’d read on the internet, gathered from other people, and an overwhelming desire to be more than we were.
We each had very different mindsets about where that left us, what our roles would be. We made up rules. And then we made up more rules. We tried things out. We made mistakes along the way. We fucked up. A lot. And we recovered.
With each injury we learned something new, as we did with each success. Living in this dynamic was like getting married all over again, but to completely different people. We reinvented not only our martial roles, but also who we were to each other, and who we were to ourselves. We became whole new people.
Over the last two years, we’ve also had our fair share of life lessons, new trials and tribulations. They haven’t been our hardest years, not by a long shot, but they haven’t been our easiest either. During this time, we held onto our D/s with all our might. We turned to it when things got unbearable in the outside world. We relied on it, and used it for strength. We also poked at it, picked it apart, and put it back together. Over. And over. And over again. We learned who we were in these new roles, and who we wanted to be. We put it down, walked away, and ran back to it as hard as we could.
We learned we can’t live outside this life – not anymore, and not ever again. We are whole new people now, different then we were when we started, and confident in who we are now. These new people need a new start. They need new rules within their lives that push them to serve their roles to the best of their ability. They need to use all that they have learned, and all that they are.
So, we decided to take a break. Similar to a period of no sex before getting married, we’ve had a period of no D/s before phasing it back in. I haven’t been collared in over a week. It’s felt strange, isolating. But also invigorating because I can’t wait until we start again. I’m anxious to decide on our new rituals, hammer it out and get going.
We are renegotiating everything, right down to writing new mantras to each other. We are redesigning our morning collaring. We are writing new rules, new punishments, new expectations, and have written an underlying goal or purpose to each of our roles.
I’m anxious. So anxious.
I’m excited also. I want to get started. I want to be collared again. I want to do the dirty work, so I can jump back in. But it takes time.
And always more time than you think it will.
I”l be writing about the process, and how we’ve rebuilt what we are, the steps we’re going through to build anew. It’s very much like starting from the beginning. Only this time we start with the awareness and knowledge that comes with experience. We are starting, not with dewy -eyed innocence, but with the wisdom of knowing who are are now.