This year, as part of our annual review at our D/s-iversary, we created a new collaring ritual. Our ritual holds great purpose and meaning, the most significant of which is grounding ourselves in our individual roles as dominate and submissive. It reinforces our power exchange by centering our minds on those roles for the day.
One of the many things I’ve learned over my years of life is that small, daily actions matter a great deal, possibly more than the few large decisions you make over your lifetime. It is the daily activities that keep people centered in who they are and what makes them feel complete and happy. The same is true for maintaining your role in a power-exchange.
In the past, our ritual has followed a somewhat strict three-step process; inspection, spanking, and mantras. It was designed with focus, each part having a purpose. The inspection to create ownership, the spankings to build dominance, and the mantras to focus on our lifelong goals of togetherness and love. However, over time, it became mundane, and didn’t hold the spark it once did. The ritual as a whole began to lose the impact it once had, which was exasperated by stress and trying times, leaving us working on ways to modify it.
Over the last two years we spent short periods of time (one to three months) testing out how our ritual felt without each step. Each trial ended in failure. Something always came up missing. We felt out of place afterwards, our sense of our roles wavered over time, or our ritual felt clunky and awkward instead of smooth and purposeful. I wrote about some of the trials we went through in keeping daily maintenance spankings.
When we came to the table this time, we came with all those experiences of trial and error. Master had six points he wanted accomplished, but also a desire to do away with the rigidity of a formal structure. My needs included a specific entry point and an ending point, along with a certain feeling.
We started by writing new mantras to each other; a dual dedication to each other and to our roles as dominate and submissive. After discussing what should be included in the ritual, Master gave me a specific entry point by providing me with a new pose to stand in, one that puts me on display, similar to ‘wait’. I am to stand with my legs slightly open, my hands at the small of my back with my thumbs together, and my eyes cast up for presentation. He also gave me an exit point; a daily check-in. Doing a daily check-in is brand new to our collaring ritual, and something I have come to greatly appreciate.
The daily check-in includes Master giving me tasks if he so desires, or checking in on previous tasks he’s assigned me. It is also a chance for us both to say what we have on our plate for the day, and coordinate our schedule. I never would have guessed the power in this small practice before Master brought it into our day. It has given me a chance to state all the small, daily goals I have on my mind, and given me an immediate sense of accomplishment and accountability in those small goals. As an exit point, it also provides a great jumping off point for the day, centering us both in our actions and plans. It is the perfect transition.
For the space in between, Master has full control. He has his own plans and ideas for the course of the inspection over time, things that he’s only hinted at to me. He also ensures that somewhere in the middle we say our mantras, and that some type of physical dominance over me takes place. This is what gives me the feeling of being owned, and something I need. What type of dominance it is, is up to him. It could be impact play; spanking, flogging or otherwise. It could also be sexual, including cock worship, edging, or forced orgasms. The choice is his.
With only the entry and exit point planned, our ritual is kept open. In writing it down, we only made a brief statement about what should happen or be felt in the middle, and left it at that. The rest is up to Master. He can, and will, show me how he owns me each morning in his own way.