I am not a submissive person. Not in the slightest.
To you, my readers and like-minded individuals in the D/s and kinky world, this might be a surprise. But to those who know me in the vanilla world, it is quite the opposite.
People from my vanilla world, especially my family; my sisters, brothers, and my kids, world would never believe I am or could be submissive at all. Once, at a family dinner, I mentioned I would get in trouble from my Master if I didn’t watch my tongue. I was getting a little snippy toward him. They all laughed at me dismissively, saying that wasn’t possible. Little do they know I could actually be spanked, made to stand in the corner, or punished in some other way. I doubt they have even heard of domestic discipline at all actually. But more than that, I am just not a submissive person, and to them it is hard to imagine that I might give consent to be punished.
My Master and I have discussed at times who I would be to other people – if they existed. That is, if I didn’t have him. In another world, I might play as a switch. I could top as easily as I could bottom, but only someone else, not my Master – not ever. In a different relationship, an imaginary relationship with an imaginary person, I could just as easily be the dominante. I certainly have a sadistic side, and sometimes fantasize or dream up ways to control or dominate other people. I even invented a little game called “The rule is…”, which allows me to let my sadistic side come out to play.
I am submissive to him, because that is who I want to be to him. It is who we are together, not who I am naturally.
I don’t think this is true of me alone, but is also true of my Master. He grew up in a female led household, with an intensely strong female, so he is accustomed to following a strong female voice. It would be easy for him to slide into that roll, to follow a strong female voice – which I do have. Sometimes I have to remind him that his job as my Dom is not simply to care for me, but to get what he needs, to let me serve him and his needs.
For me, this just means I have to focus, to try harder. I have to remind myself to look for ways that I am serving him. I have to be sure I am showing consent when I need correction. I have to practice at speaking submissively, and focus my words and mind on my role.
I don’t feel naturally submissive in any way, not in the vanilla world, not in dealing with other people. Master, however, has a way about him that makes me want to kneel at his feet. It is a feeling unique to being in his presence. When we are together, we become Master and minnie, Dom and sub. It is who we are together. It is why I am His submissive, not a submissive.
It is also what makes me work at being submissive, what keeps it from being easy, and why it will always be a struggle and an achievement.