Subspace with a sprinkling of anger

After any bigger kinky scene I tend to drop pretty hard, get angry, and then recover quickly. Rarely ever do I have a drop that continues long after that, though I have had some last for hours or even days. But those are the rare cases, and only with particularly intense or extra long scenes or events. It’s the regular, non-extreme scene that I’m talking about. Master and I have, of course, worked on after care, and perfected the way it happens to reduce this phase.

Here’s some basic steps I go through:

  1. Awareness of the world around me is limited. I hear sounds, but don’t have the spacial or personal physical awareness necessary to know where things or people are around me. I won’t talk, and may be physically shaking. (Happens instantly, and launches the beginning of aftercare needs.)
  2. I am freezing! Too cold to ask for a blanket, or anything else. I will act like I want distance, but I don’t. Proper care would include touching me, holding me, and letting me know where you are, what you’re doing, and how you’re taking care of me at every second. Regardless of what you do, the beginning of my anger is starting to set in. (Starts within 2 minutes, but may be instant.)
  3. I am thirsty, very thirsty, but won’t always notice it. I never ask for water as quickly as I need it. You should just give it to me. I will drink it. Orange juice would also be appreciated. (Starts within 2 to 5 minutes.)
  4. My anger is set in, or I might be sad instead. I won’t casually admit it, and may not be fully aware of it in the moment. I will also probably blame those around me for not reading my mind, or predicting the future. I will still be vary cold, and need to be held the entire time, to warm me both inside and out.
  5. With proper care, my cup starts to fill again, and I am pulling up. (10 to 20 minutes in) I like to do silly things like rolling up in a blanket – burrito style, hear silly jokes, or open a ‘little’ present. I will also begin to ask for some things I need.
  6. I get giggly, and want to be held. Laying on top of me with all your weight, is the absolute best. A weighted blanket might also be good.
  7. More water, lots of water. I am still cold – that doesn’t go away. I am also getting hungry, and must have chocolate or a peanut butter cup, preferably a sunflower seed cup with dark chocolate from Trader Joes.
  8. I am now coming back to reality and may feel guilty for being mad at you, or just mad at all. (20 to 30 minutes in, usually.) Reality is returning, and I’m leveling out, but still giddy and happy. My feeling of submissiveness will heighten, and possibly feeling little. The anger will have subsided, and I will begin to be able to take care of myself, not that I will want to. πŸ˜‰

Master and I use to work to fight against this anger. We – maybe I – use to have this belief that there was some magic way to do or deliver aftercare needs in such a way that it wouldn’t happen. I’ve come to accept that simply isn’t true.

The anger is going to happen. I will be angry. It cannot be stopped. But it does not stop the world. I don’t hurt other people, myself, or lash out. There’s no harm in it. I am just a little angry, irritated and pissy. What I’ve come to share and recognize is that I need to accept the anger, live with it, and plan for it to follow all scenes. To simply recognize it, and move on, but DON’T reflect on it.

This might seem counterintuitive, but it’s true. I can’t let it be the thing I talk about in reflection. If I do that, it becomes artificially inflated, and a stronger memory then it needs to be, or ever was by itself. It becomes the ending of my experience, instead of a brief passing mood.

My new plan is to not address it all. I give myself permission to apologize for it, if I feel like I’ve been a prat, but that has to be the end of it. I think addressing it was giving it way to much attention, making it the limelight. Walk away, I say. Walk away.

xoxoxoxo minnie

18 thoughts on “Subspace with a sprinkling of anger

  1. This is so honest and reflective, minnie! Thank you for sharing this with us. When I drop after a scene, which doesn’t happen every time…I don’t get angry, but I do feel VERY down. And, like you mentioned… I get VERY cold and have a hard time warming up. I think sub drop is such an important topic for a D/s couple to work through, as it is very hard on the sub (and hard on the Dom to see her that way). Great post!

    1. Thanks so much! I don’t often feel down, though I can cry, but rarely. If I do cry, it’s not associated with an emotion, just a release.

      1. I have cried a few times…not because I am sad, but just…from the release, I guess. It is SO powerful to share a scene like that with your Dom πŸ™‚

  2. I’ve definitely been angry after a scene before, like if it didn’t go “well”, but the question is, what is “well”? Did the speaker not play the music I wanted? Did he not use the toys I wanted? Those are beyond my control. Personally, even if nothing else, I try to focus on my breathing and keep it slow and steady. If I’m feeling a bit uncertain for whatever reason, at least just my breathing is something that I can control πŸ˜‰

    1. Looking for control is always a good idea. The anger I’m referencing here isn’t actually connected to anything, from the scene or otherwise. When I’m recovered it’s gone and forgotten. Sometimes I’m left baffled. 🀷

      1. Almost like an automatic reaction perhaps? I think it would be interesting to try and understand it, even if only to better help you manage the comedown. It doesn’t sound like a very fun experience for sure πŸ˜”

      2. It is an automatic reaction, just brought in my the hormonal ups and downs. We tried to fight it, but have come to just accept I’m going to get lost for a minute, and then forget it happened. It is what it is.

      3. As long as you know what it is, that in itself can help. Unrelated but I experience amaxophobia- a phobia of being a passenger. Sometimes, I will clench up and start swearing and begging for the car to stop. As long as people who are with me know that my reaction to being in a moving car is part of my phobia and I’m not just being vile, we’re fine. Sometimes even just knowing you’re understood can really help.

  3. I don’t get angry after, not until much much later. I am usually shacking, though not really cold. I don’t require food- B does make me drink though. I need sleep.

    When I wake I need more dominance because it unlocks an Uber Submissive side to me. Without it I can get frustrated and angry- though it did take years for us to pinpoint why these feelings arose.

    Like Nora I can get weepy and down. I once flatlined emotionally for 5 days. I was the equivalent to an emotional zombie trapped in some land if indifference. It wasn’t until a Dom friend of mine identified for me what was happening that I made the connection.

    Subdrop can certainly cause a great deal of issues for the novice and experienced alike. Always a good discussion.


    1. For sure! Thanks for your experience! I live to hear how everyone reacts differently. An inexperienced me use to get really needy and weepy, but that was more from not recognizing what was happening until it was hindsight.

  4. I know I’m late to the party but …. nice post Minnie!
    I don’t experience any real emotional drop any more, it has been years! Bear always lays with me, beside me and touching me, whether I think I need Him or not! πŸ˜‰ Any hint of emotional drop is met with that closeness and warmth – maybe that’s the trick for me.
    The physical ‘drop’ will never stop because it’s a chemical reaction but it has diminished in nature, I guess my body is used to dealing with the chemicals these days.
    I know it may sound strange but my suggestion would be to enjoy it, ALL of it! You know the what and why of the feelings and you know they will pass – so enjoy it. I look back on the highs and lows with nostalgia now. As I got more and more used to the changes I went through to come back down, they became less and less intense. I miss it … so enjoy! πŸ™‚

    1. So glad to hear from you! You’ve been on my mind. How are things with you? I hope all is well.
      Thanks for the advice. That is certainly what I do, enjoy whatever the wave brings in. I’m so easy though -always have been. I definitely think our bodies and minds get used to certain amounts/types of play, and stop reacting. Our at least react less over time and use.
      There’s always new things out there to try though. 😘

      1. 10 yrs in I don’t know how many more new things I want to try BUT I do know a few I’d like to get back to! *wink* lol
        All is good here, working way too much and not kinking it up as much as I’d like but we will get back to ‘normal’ life eventually. Won’t we???? πŸ˜›
        Take care minnie, hope to be around a bit more soon!

Leave a Reply