After any bigger kinky scene I tend to drop pretty hard, get angry, and then recover quickly. Rarely ever do I have a drop that continues long after that, though I have had some last for hours or even days. But those are the rare cases, and only with particularly intense or extra long scenes or events. It’s the regular, non-extreme scene that I’m talking about. Master and I have, of course, worked on after care, and perfected the way it happens to reduce this phase.
Here’s some basic steps I go through:
- Awareness of the world around me is limited. I hear sounds, but don’t have the spacial or personal physical awareness necessary to know where things or people are around me. I won’t talk, and may be physically shaking. (Happens instantly, and launches the beginning of aftercare needs.)
- I am freezing! Too cold to ask for a blanket, or anything else. I will act like I want distance, but I don’t. Proper care would include touching me, holding me, and letting me know where you are, what you’re doing, and how you’re taking care of me at every second. Regardless of what you do, the beginning of my anger is starting to set in. (Starts within 2 minutes, but may be instant.)
- I am thirsty, very thirsty, but won’t always notice it. I never ask for water as quickly as I need it. You should just give it to me. I will drink it. Orange juice would also be appreciated. (Starts within 2 to 5 minutes.)
- My anger is set in, or I might be sad instead. I won’t casually admit it, and may not be fully aware of it in the moment. I will also probably blame those around me for not reading my mind, or predicting the future. I will still be vary cold, and need to be held the entire time, to warm me both inside and out.
- With proper care, my cup starts to fill again, and I am pulling up. (10 to 20 minutes in) I like to do silly things like rolling up in a blanket – burrito style, hear silly jokes, or open a ‘little’ present. I will also begin to ask for some things I need.
- I get giggly, and want to be held. Laying on top of me with all your weight, is the absolute best. A weighted blanket might also be good.
- More water, lots of water. I am still cold – that doesn’t go away. I am also getting hungry, and must have chocolate or a peanut butter cup, preferably a sunflower seed cup with dark chocolate from Trader Joes.
- I am now coming back to reality and may feel guilty for being mad at you, or just mad at all. (20 to 30 minutes in, usually.) Reality is returning, and I’m leveling out, but still giddy and happy. My feeling of submissiveness will heighten, and possibly feeling little. The anger will have subsided, and I will begin to be able to take care of myself, not that I will want to. 😉
Master and I use to work to fight against this anger. We – maybe I – use to have this belief that there was some magic way to do or deliver aftercare needs in such a way that it wouldn’t happen. I’ve come to accept that simply isn’t true.
The anger is going to happen. I will be angry. It cannot be stopped. But it does not stop the world. I don’t hurt other people, myself, or lash out. There’s no harm in it. I am just a little angry, irritated and pissy. What I’ve come to share and recognize is that I need to accept the anger, live with it, and plan for it to follow all scenes. To simply recognize it, and move on, but DON’T reflect on it.
This might seem counterintuitive, but it’s true. I can’t let it be the thing I talk about in reflection. If I do that, it becomes artificially inflated, and a stronger memory then it needs to be, or ever was by itself. It becomes the ending of my experience, instead of a brief passing mood.
My new plan is to not address it all. I give myself permission to apologize for it, if I feel like I’ve been a prat, but that has to be the end of it. I think addressing it was giving it way to much attention, making it the limelight. Walk away, I say. Walk away.